20 Lessons from 2020 (9/20/20)

Hey Friends,

Sunday School is going to look a bit different today. I am shaking things up with the formatting this week! Before we get any further, if you’re reading and haven’t yet subscribed, you can do that here!

If you’re new here, you can normally expect a newsletter format like this. This week, I’m sharing something essay style, but an easy read.

A member of my writing community wrote out a few lessons for a post he did on his birthday, and I liked the idea. So I’ve gone ahead and expanded this into something reflective of the weird year we’ve all had.

This week I’m sharing the 20 lessons I’ve learned so far in 2020. It’s been helpful for me to think through some of these things and write about them, something I’d encourage anyone to do, especially with the complexity of the thoughts swirling around in our minds.

Hope you enjoy it!

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20 Lessons from 2020

We all know it, so I don’t have to say it. Okay, I’ll say it: 2020 is a weird year. But it’s no exaggeration for me to say that I’ve learned more over the course of this year than I’ve learned in the previous five years combined. 2020 hasn’t been without personal hardship, but even still I’m outrageously grateful for the things I’ve learned and the people I’ve met.

To pay tribute to this wild year, I’d like to engrave these learnings on the granite face of the internet by sharing 20 things I’ve learned in 2020. I’ve made an attempt at poignancy with these lessons, so I’m hoping none of them make you say “yeah, Ryan, we’ve all learned that, good one bro.” 

These are my lessons. Here’s to you 2020, may we all survive the upcoming election. 

Lesson #1: If you believe you’re not creative, you’ll never be creative.

Until early 2020 I always bought into the idea that “I wasn’t born creative.” I’m not sure I’ve ever believed anything more detrimental to myself. Sure, some people lean creative, but like anything else, it’s something we can practice. We’re all a product of the environment we come from, and belief you’ll always be that way will hold you back more than anything. If this is you, do yourself a favor and understand that creativity is omnipresent. It’s not just art and music, it’s writing, building, designing, strategizing, earning, and more. It’s in everything, and it’s in you. Start engaging with it in any way you feel comfortable. Because…

Lesson #2: Once you try to be creative you’ll realize how easy it is.

Creativity requires open-mindedness. Once you’re ready to consider any idea and engage with any person, your mind takes off and creativity happens. If you have a creative medium you’re passionate about and begin consistently practicing, odds are the momentum and enjoyment you’ll get will spur you on to new habits that will stick indefinitely. It has never been easier to be creative. Every tool, every app, every book, is geared toward helping you be a better creator and a better person. You just have to want it. But, while it’s never been easier to be creative, it’s so. Incredibly. Hard. To create something valuable.

Lesson #3: Once you consistently engage in creativity, you’ll realize how hard it is.

Creativity requires a nearly endless process of iterating to churn out something great. Sure, some people create something amazing the first time around. Most people don’t. If you’re working to build a personal website with writing, a niche blog, a product, a business, or anything, odds are it’s going to be hard and you’re going to have to be patient. The key is to keep moving forward, little-by-little, until you start getting the results you feel you’ve deserved all along.

Lesson #4: Society as a whole values things we shouldn’t value personally, and that makes things hard.

We can tell ourselves every day that we shouldn’t place our self-worth in fleeting, external things like jobs, titles, degrees, bank accounts, fancy cars, you get the point. The problem is that even while every individual may believe this, society as a whole doesn’t adopt this posture. People do care about where you work and will value your opinion accordingly. People do care where you went to school and will reward you with a job accordingly. If you’re perceived as successful or smart you will be given the attributes that people imagine successful, smart people have. This is reality, but it doesn’t mean that we have to buy into it. For your own sanity, don’t attach self-worth to these things. Sure, maybe you’ll benefit from them, but they can all go away at any moment in time. Which gets me thinking…

Lesson #5: If you love your job, count it as a blessing. It might not be there forever.

A pandemic year probably taught a lot of us this lesson. I had a job that I’ve loved for 6.5 years that I had to say goodbye to. It’s a tough pill to swallow. I thought I’d be doing this for a long time. I was wrong. Our jobs are just that, they’re jobs. They’re mechanisms to earning and creating a better life, so they’re important, but they’re not forever. If you have a job you love, that’s a rare thing. Invest in it and love it and count it as a blessing, but know that it might not be there forever. Today it’s the pandemic, tomorrow it’s something else.

Lesson #6: Medical professionals don’t get the credit they deserve.

Most of us have realized this through COVID this year. Doctors, PAs, NPs, Nurses, everyone in medicine has put themselves in harm’s way this year. To those people, thank you. But I’m not talking about just COVID, I’m talking about all the time. These people deal with heavy things; patients with cancer, patients with mental illness, patients with no family, patients on their deathbed. They deal with these things and then come home to their families and carry on with life. It’s not easy to manage our own health, so can you imagine being entrusted with the health of countless others? No way. Love and praise to all of you in medicine.

Lesson #7: There’s no better fitness goal than this: Be able to walk as long as you need to and as far as you need to for as long as you’re alive.

Yeah, it’s great to be jacked. I’m not saying that from experience, no one has ever confused me for a bodybuilder. If you’re jacked, good for you. But do you know what’s better? Being able to walk anywhere you need to for as long as you need to, even when you’re old. Just walk. If you can do nothing else for exercise it’s really okay. Just walk. It’s so much better for you than you realize. Maybe even better than running distance. When I’m an old man I want to be able to walk anywhere I want without assistance. I might not be keeping up with the kiddos, but I don’t want to be an embarrassment or hold people back. Stay strong and lift those weights, but also stay nimble by practicing stretching and yoga, and stay in some sort of cardio form by walking, running, or biking. Optimize for walking.

Lesson #8: Engage in conversation with your partner/spouse over dinner like you’re meeting for the first time.

I’ve been married for 6 years and was with my wife for 5 years before we were married. 11 years total! We obviously know everything about each other. But here’s the good news: we’re humans, and because of that we’re changing all the time. I’m not the same person I was a week ago, let alone 6 years ago. The same goes for my wife. This year I’ve found inspiration in the mindset that we’re on a first date when we’re sitting at the dinner table, just the two of us. It’s easy to let the default mindset be that we’re familiar with each other and that nothing is new, but that’s not the case at all. There are new things all the time and I want to engage with all of it.

Lesson #9: Only listening isn’t always enough. Promoting is better.

COVID has been in our faces all year, but the most important subject of 2020 is the discussion about race and police reform. These are discussions we should try and have in person as much as possible. Before, I’ve remembered taking the position of “I’m here to listen.” I think that’s a good position. We all need someone to listen to us, to engage with us, to hear us, and to empathize with us. But we also need someone to promote us. Listening is fantastic, but promoting voices and opinions from our black friends and colleagues is better. I’m quite aware these days that my voice is often the next in line of other voices that all echo the same sentiments in different ways. It’s a hard reality, but people of different races and nationalities experience the world in different ways, and we need to find a way to have those experiences as part of all discussions as much as possible.

Similarly…

Lesson #10: A thriving, diverse community isn’t always comfortable, but it is always better.

Let’s acknowledge this: it is uncomfortable to hear from people who think differently than you. That’s equally true whether it’s a sibling or someone who is a different race. Diverse communities have a higher level of discomfort than you’re used to. You may not like the way a person does something, and that’s okay. That’s where we have to learn that it’s okay to take issue with aspects of a person, but still like that person in the end. A diverse community is always better because of the changes we undergo by dealing with that discomfort, engaging with others anyways, and finding that commonalities tie us together in more ways than differences tear us apart.

Lesson #11: Great crisis leadership requires radical transparency.

2020 has been an old fashioned trial for executives. They’ve had to make tough decisions and strategic calls that will affect their businesses for years to come. Here is what I’ve found conveys effective leadership during this crisis: clear and open communication. It’s hard to fault a leader who says: “We’re making decision A because of B, C, and D, and this is when it’s going to take effect.” It’s hard to fault a firm decision when the reasons are shared as well. Employees who disagree then have the opportunity to say, “well did you think of E, F, and G in the process?” And the leaders can say, “We sure did, but we felt this direction was better because of H.” Just be open and clear and it shows everyone you’ve thought about all angles.

Lesson #12: Sports aren’t really that important.

I was an athlete and I love sports. I still do. But this year has made me realize I’ve wasted a foolish amount of time watching sports. There’s just not much of a productive output from hours of time invested rooting for your team. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still planning to watch from time-to-time, but other things are more important, and in the past, I’ve prioritized watching a game above family, friends, and meaningful endeavors. Those days are over. 

Lesson #13: Meet everyone you can.

Go meet all the people. Meet them genuinely and openly. Don’t make assumptions about who they are in any way until you get to know them at a deeper level than small talk. I’ve met people this year who I might have dismissed in prior years for any number of reasons. The value of being able to meet people and network is as high as it’s ever been because most people simply don’t want to get uncomfortable and be genuine with strangers. Do it anyway, you’ll be better for it and you’ll increase your surface area for serendipity and luck.

2020 is a bad year for meeting everyone you can. But it’s so easy to meet people online. Online?

Lesson #14: Yes, meet people online.

I promise you, from what I’ve learned this year, it’s not weird to meet people online. I’ve had conversations and video chats with 30+ people who I’ve solely met through connections online and absolutely zero of them have been awkward. Most of them have been incredible, insightful, smart people who are working on amazing projects. For the first video chat I had with someone, I said yes because it sounded like something I would never do, so I did it anyway. Now, I’m literally business partners with that exact person (shouts to Cullin McGrath) and we’re building a profitable side gig (along with Logan Hitchcock).

Lesson #15: There’s no ill a gorgeous morning, a surfboard, and the ocean can’t cure.

One of the best parts of 2020 is that I started surfing, normally 2-3 mornings a week. There are many reasons I love it, but the greatest is that it’s a physical embodiment of James Clear’s Atomic Habits. Each time I go out I feel myself get 1% better (and truly only about 1%). Over time, I’ve been able to notice how far I’ve come. Being in the ocean, floating in the waves is the best way I can think of to start a day, and I’ve been thankful for that this year.

Lesson #16: There is absolutely zero upside to spending time debating politics.

Right now you’re trying to think of all the exceptions to this statement. Stop. There’s no upside. Yes, politics are important. Yes, choosing the right leaders is important. Yes, we desperately need changes that voting can help fix. But “debating politics,” especially on social media, is about the worst way to make progress. Real conversations with friends are good. Real conversations with people different from you are fantastic. But debating bits and pieces of legislation or trying to defend a candidate? That’s horrible. It only ever causes further division. Talk about real things and the reasons YOU believe them, not things you heard on TV or read online.

Lesson #17: Egos are invasive. Cut them out so you can thrive.

I’ve never had a huge ego problem, but I’ve always had a little, hidden away ego somewhere deep inside. There are things I’ve always felt I’m too cool to be a part of. That’s something I regret. Egos are like invasive weeds, they creep into parts of your life and you don’t even notice. Cut them away and remove them and you’ll start to experience real growth that can’t happen when there’s an ego in the way.

Lesson #18: Authenticity is the most attractive trait.

People are drawn to authenticity. Even if you have an ego that makes you think someone being authentic is weird, you still respect them (even envy them) for being authentic. It’s such an attractive trait. Those who display authenticity and relentlessly lift up others are the people who create the best communities around them. Another lesson: it’s quite easy to notice when people aren’t being authentic. The best compliment I could ever receive from someone is that I’m “authentic” or “genuine.”

Lesson #19: Good ideas don’t always sound like good ideas.

To get to a good idea, many times you have to work through a bad idea. Several bad ideas that connect in unexpected ways often form the building blocks of one good idea. Still skeptical? Think about it this way: it’s 1995 and you’re starting a company that lets you stream music on a software application. People might say, “no man, CD’s are so awesome, we don’t need that nonsense, bad idea!” You listened to those people and you didn’t create Spotify. Good ideas are paradigm-shifting, and they’re going to sound bad at first more often than not.

Lesson #20: This year has more negatives than positives...but only for now.

If we’re analyzing 2020 as a single year, unless you’re Patrick Mahomes or Zoom, you’re having a down year. Missed experiences/trips, loss of jobs, loss of loved ones, stressful work conditions, social isolation, etc. Those are bad moments. But I’m ABSOLUTELY convinced that five years from now, the seeds of 2020 will produce good things that will far outweigh the bad if you look at the five-year chart. The good news for those of us who belong to the human race is that in general, we’re a stock that trends up. Humans mostly find a way to keep making life better despite tragedy and despite hardship. Positivity and hard work usually find a way to keep us moving ahead at a better rate than we fall behind.

I’m thankful for 2020. I’m ready for it to be over, but I’m here for this year, the lessons I’ve learned, and all the experiences I’ve been a part of.